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Copyright The Washington Post Company Jul 7,
1996
Cal Ripken Jr. to Lou Gehrig: "Wouldn't you have just died for a day off? Er, ah, I mean . . ." This Week's Contest was suggested by a B. Fitzgerald, who appears to
live only on the Internet and whose gender and home town cannot reliably
be determined. B. wins a realistic plastic salad. In honor of Hillary
Clinton's conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt, B. suggests you propose a
question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead
person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us
the question. First-prize winner gets a genuine inflatable plastic Mona
Lisa ("WARNING: THIS PRODUCT NOT TO BE USED AS A FLOTATION DEVICE." MADE
IN TAIWAN) suitable for hanging on one's wall if one were, say, a Ringling
Bros. clown married to a Vegas pit boss. It is worth $25. Runners-up, as
always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-Shirt. Honorable
Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker.
Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your
entries to The Style Invitational, Week 173,
c/o The Report from Week 170, The Smile Invitational, in which we drew five cartoons and asked you to explain why the people were smiling. Twelve entries said Cartoon A was a scene from Dr. Kevorkian's waiting room. Fifth Runner-Up: (Cartoon A) Possible proud father waits to see Madonna's baby. (Michael O'Leary, Huntingtown) Fourth Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) Jennifer realizes she can apply for an NEA grant simply by changing the name of her artwork from "Dot" to "Come See My Period." (Richard Wong, Arlington) Third Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) The National Park Service's sketch artist proudly displays her depiction of the Million Man March. (Joseph Romm, Washington) Second Runner-Up: (Cartoon D) Ladies' restrooms are rarely found at construction sites, often forcing female workers to be creative. (Rahul Simha, Williamsburg) First Runner-Up: (Cartoon A) Another victim of the Chap Stick-Krazy Glue product-tampering incident waits despairingly in the emergency room. (David Genser, Vienna; Sandra Hull, Arlington) And the Winner of the Electronic Remote-Controlled Fart Machine: (Cartoon E) Mrs. Kaczynski gets a card from her thoughtful son. (Ned Bent, Herndon) Cartoon A: He was on ValuJet standby. (Frank Thompson, Vienna; Alex Neill, Washington; Sandra Hull, Arlington) He has just realized that 98 x 6 equals the height of the Great Pyramid in cubits and that Ezekiel 108 thereby foretells the coming of the psychological subjugation mechanism called for by the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, just as Reverend Farrakhan has been trying to warn us all along. (Philip Delduke, Bethesda) This man is Russian. It is the shortest line he has seen in years. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington) Cartoon B: She is smiling because Jesse Helms still hasn't found out about the hole in his dressing room wall. (Ned Bent, Herndon) Mrs. Pollin is pleased that her design for the Wizards' new insignia has been selected. (Rahul Simha, Williamsburg) Just when the art show attendees have had it up to here with her bad puns, the art teacher proclaims, "This is a self-portrait of one of my favorite pupils." (Steve Daly, Reston) Cartoon C: Two words: Clean underwear. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park; Jennifer Hart, Arlington) Marion Barry demonstrates that the pothole-plagued roads are, in fact, drivable. (Michael O'Leary, Huntingtown) An inveterate jokester, Jim chuckled in anticipation of someone asking, "Have an accident?" (Paul Kondis, Alexandria) He is reminded of an Andrew Dice Clay joke whenever he sees "Bangor" on a road sign. (Tommy Litz, Bowie) It caused him to crash, but he was really excited to find a woman from
the Cartoon D: Although she had to keep after them doggedly, Rebecca finally got the city to fill the pothole in front of her house in the District. (David Genser, Vienna) Lucretia has found a quick and easy way to get the "hard body" she's dreamed of. (Sandra Hull, Arlington; Art Grinath, Takoma Park) Her mom was right. A mixer was a good place to meet men. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring) After the most recent incident, Ringling Bros. decided to spring for contact lenses for Hannah the Happy Human Cannonball. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel) Cartoon E: Hillary explains how the Whitewater files got on the table. (Michael O'Leary, Huntingtown) Next week: On Second Thought...
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